The Golden Cage Near God’s Throne-
As I walked and conversed with God, I simultaneously saw myself leaning listlessly against a corner of a cage where I had apparently chosen by default to exist; and as I saw myself remain there, I perceived that the caged person was my spirit that was suffering in silence, having clung to a decades-long belief that I alone could dispel my homosexual anxiety. This was an eye-opening orientation as to how I was perceived in the heavenly realm. But in His uniquely confident and well-composed style, God conveyed me through my initial shock.
I briefly glanced at His form, but I patiently awaited His purifying words. Further, the Biblical reference to God’s eyes as “flames of fire,” denotes His determinate look that blazes, both with ultimate power and ultimate compassion. And only the relative purity of a person’s intentions could help decide whether there would be an encounter with God’s decisive, disciplinary demeanor, His limitless merciful and compassionate visage or an effective combination of the two, as necessary.
Further, I gathered that the dimly lit room was used as a storage area for my cage and other items, which, (except for the cage), were covered, and their contents were concealed. The golden cage, (which was the scene of an ultimatum, that later occurred in that room), was situated three, (3) to four, (4) feet from God’s auxiliary throne. The throne was elevated and well lit by several lamps as well as God’s Holy and commanding presence. I became the direct focus of His wise counsel: so, I studiously leaned in to receive His precious advise.
His compassion was genuine and transformative. (Please read the blog: “My Gender Is A Precious Gift From God,” for a more detailed discussion. Further, His providence was evident at various points throughout my life and particularly as it relates to this immense turning point from which I deduced several teachable moments regarding my cherished visit to heaven with my Wise, Holy Everlasting Father, as follows:
- God keeps a record of sins, including those found in the heart, mind and emotions; so, He knows everything that happens in His creation. Therefore, it is impossible to hide from God. (As a 5 year old, I didn’t realize this. And it was not completely clear until God declared it to me when I trusted Him to help me at the age of forty-five.) Also, I once believed that a person went to either Heaven or Hell. But in my case, it was Heaven on hold until I had finally and fully trusted God.
- “All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD.” Proverbs 16:2, NIV: New International Version.
- God kept His vigil: The omniscient God likely visited that “storage” room with the expectation that I would one day demand His Truth that would set me free.
- My feeling of entrapment in the earthly realm was manifested in heaven as a physical “golden cage,” the shiny bars of which apparently were a result of the beleaguering homosexual thoughts and feelings that, over time had perplexed my spirit, mind and heart, leaving me in a silent, nearly comatose, yet considerably anxious state.
- For so long, in my daily life, in the company of family and others, I pretended to be happy. Yet, in reality, I was only going through the motions, as I kept a secret from everyone, including my mother and told her only after I had learned the truth from God about solving the gender-related anxiety that I was going through.
- I now know that I didn’t have to languish for decades in that cage: God would have been just as willing to rescue me the first moment I experienced gender-related fear and confusion and cried out for help, as He was in the 40th year of my having similar, ongoing inappropriate thoughts and feelings.
- I believe Jesus pled for me while I remained isolated in that confused state, “My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous.” 1 John 2:1, New Living Translation, (NLT).
- God works by invitation, only. In other words, regardless of how much He wishes to rescue someone, He would not invade a person’s will or ignore the choice someone makes. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, then I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20, World English Bible, (WEB).
- Regardless of the reason, because I refused to cry out to God for help, to a large extent, my ongoing adverse condition was therefore perpetuated by my own choice.
- Also, I deduced that I was imprisoned (in that rectangular cage, that was high enough to sit in but not to stand in and long enough to lie down in), as I had chosen to tolerate homosexual thoughts and feelings, in that I did not timely allow God to relieve me from them or the burden they represented. So, while I was kept in that cage/prison in heaven, due to my unholy thoughts and feelings, I was likely seen as an enemy, or at least as someone who had yet to find her voice and chose God. And therefore, while spiritually in Heaven, my sin had separated me from the Holy God.
- I was merely existing; but once I trusted the righteous God, He cared enough about me to allow me to see my true state in the way that He saw me. I felt sorry for myself and did not like the image I presented. More importantly, I had a strong need to please God and agree with Him for my rescue. God’s unwavering love and truth give me life and that more abundantly.
- My homosexual anxiety was unsolvable without God’s grace and merciful intervention. And His resolutions bring positive, permanent change that stand the test of time, as long as I am willing to support His righteous efforts and my promises to Him and myself.
- Also, I share my true triumph and inspiration with everyone, who will also trust God for similar victories, including a brand new spirit that He makes alive and well. May God help you to hope beyond hope, share your triumphs with one another, heal others with the truths God shares with you and change the world one lovely, brave, redeemed soul at a time; as you are also God’s child, and He loves you unconditionally.
- My sincere hope is that you, with similar tests and challenges to the ones I have had, will find the courage to cry out early to God for rescue. There is no need to suffer for decades as I did; because, in my experience, the Loving Heavenly Father is ready and willing to seek and to save the lost soul, who cry out for His help.