My Gender Is A Precious Gift From God-
The Holy God was merciful enough to personally meet and counsel with me. HE likely did so, as I had reached a profound turning point…
In my desperation to be free from homosexual thoughts and feelings, I in turn, raged against THEM, challenging their validity with such fearless determination as to stop them from reoccurring, altogether; but I needed HIS overcoming truth.
Therefore, God condescended to me. HIS entrance was as an encompassing cloud; and having earnestly prayed beforehand, I knew why HE was arriving. I instantly felt supported and, although prior to HIS arrival I was alone, (with only a sleeping child in the house), I knew HIS consistently enveloping cloud, covering my head and eventually my feet, signified that I was in a distinctly private meeting with HIM. God in the person of Jesus answered me based on my faith, (which time had rendered raw, bare and poignant), and based on HIS boundless and relevant mercy. (“Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever.” Hebrews 13:8).
See, the first post entitled, “You Are Not A Homosexual…”, for information about God’s initial visit and details leading to my traveling with HIM to Heaven.
Upon arriving in Heaven, God and I stepped out of the cloud and onto a solid, white, paved surface that looked like smooth, clean concrete with a subtle, finely designed pattern. It felt much like stepping out of a vehicle after arriving at an anticipated destination. The cloud instantly dissipated. And the solid, physical form of God/Jesus appeared, instead. As we briskly walked through various scenes, HE clearly explained the way to HIS salvation and solemnly revealed to me the high value HE places on my moral purity.
And HE emphatically shared that my gender is a respectable gift, which HE took delight in giving to me and that my embracing it, loving myself, and being true to HIM, thereby, would perpetuate HIS doting fatherly love for me. HIS words moved me: I realized that something so sacred had swung in the balance since my early childhood, before I’d allowed myself to enjoy it. I am glad HE gave my gender back to me. More importantly, HE made me see that it was never lost.
But that fact was clearly hidden from my powers of recognition, reasoning and resolution. It was like a missing puzzle piece beyond my reach and made invisible by a sinful state in which all mankind is born, regardless of the varied nature of sin that characterizes each life. And even if I had stumbled upon the answer or could somehow assert my right to find it on my own, it would have been meaningless, apart from a relationship with God; because we are made in HIS image and are intricately connected to HIM for, among other things, our physical and spiritual existence and enlightenment.
“Then ADONAI Elohim formed the man out of the dust from the ground and HE breathed into his nostrils a breath of life, so the man became a living being.” (See, Genesis 2:7, TLV). The Holy Bible states in various ways that all of mankind’s sin is a violation of God’s righteousness. And our holiness can exist only in connection to God’s Holy character. Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Please see, John 15:5, NIV.
More importantly, my realizing that the Holy God had personally designed anything for me and cared enough to defend HIS efforts, amounted to another monumental step toward my advocating for freedom from the spiritual, mental, and emotional prison of self-deception, (and/or deception based on original human sin, caused by the same Serpent/Devil, and perpetuated to each life through mankind’s generations.) My gender itself was never the problem; instead the problem was my lack of appreciation for my gender. For decades, my soul had languished in a confused state about the homosexual thoughts and feelings that periodically crossed my mind. However, God also made it clear that despising my gender again would return me to that cage, to enmity with HIM, and this time- to eternal separation from HIM. (For more information, please also read my blog, entitled: “The Golden Cage Near God’s, (Auxilliary), Throne”.) The choice was mine. And it was now an easy one to make:
Struggling alone in silence was no longer an option. God’s righteousness convinced me, and HIS wise counsel assured me that I could stand on HIS strong conviction against sin. With this new knowledge, I began the habit of willingly and actively reminding myself of HIS truths that would protect me as well as my relationship with my Savior, Healer, Wise Counselor, Eternal Father, and the Author and the Finisher of my faith, as God became my all-in-all and meant, (and means) everything to me.
So, I gladly chose to honor the Holy God by agreeing with HIM. (“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (See, Amos 3:3, NIV.) And for the first time in my life, I graciously received my precious gift of WOMANHOOD: the birth-gender that God had generously given to me. And having promised to fully trust HIM and love myself, I could finally experience a pristine, redemptive newness like that of an innocent child in HIS presence! This entire experience gave me deeper insight as to God’s perfect character: I had cried out for help and was waiting by faith on an answer.
However, HIS ways were higher than I could have ever imagined. This wonderfully complex God-man, the second Adam, who knew my pain and had long ago sacrificed HIS earthly life to redeem me from sin, had entered my living room in a cloud with which HE promptly covered me. HE knew my thoughts before I spoke them, and HE clearly and calmly addressed my concerns by telling me all I needed to know to reclaim a gift I had forsaken as a result of being born under the sin of the first Adam and not fully understanding the nature and remedy of that sin.
Nevertheless, GOD’S righteous counsel was gracious, direct and complete. And HIS pure and highly active energy was evident. For example, HE seamlessly and timely traveled to recount a past event in my life, and was instantly present in the scene of a current one. Yet, God’s limitless power was balanced by an ever-present, unconditional love and tangible patience, which indicated to me that HE had all of time to help me resolve my concerns.
My memorable visit probably took only moments; but my uncertainty as to an exact time period is likely due to a rare witness of the boundless genius of this sole Master-Worker, for the perfect quality of whose efforts, eternity’s timelessness and the entire vastness of space play host. Most importantly, I saw that God honors HIS Holy standards above all else: HE blesses those who demonstrate that they honor HIM by regarding HIS righteous judgments, statutes, and laws with the utmost respect.
My takeaways, as follows, are based on the grace God has shown me throughout my life, as a result of thorough Bible study, my personal experiences with HIM, and utter dependence on HIM: the good, loving, Heavenly Father. As a Bible student striving toward spiritual perfection, I highly value all aspects of Jesus’ exemplary life; but I don’t consider myself as having attained Godly maturity. As to Jesus Christ, (God’s Son and mankind’s Savior), the Bible says, among other important things, the following:
“And the Son of Man must be lifted up, just as the metal snake was lifted up by Moses in the desert. Then everyone who has faith in the Son of Man will have eternal life. God loved the people of this world so much that HE gave HIS only Son, so that everyone who has faith in HIM will have eternal life and never really die.” (See John 3:14-16, CEV).
- Regardless of the complexity or origin of my sin, whether it is the result of Adam & Eve’s sin, a persistent Devil, or my own choice, I must resolve my concerns with Jesus Christ, who, as a doting, Eternal father, Prince of Peace, and Anointed Savior, came to seek and to save the lost.
- For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ, our LORD. Romans 6:23, (KJV). And this same scripture in the Contemporary English Version, (CEV), reads as follows: Sin pays off with death. But God’s gift is eternal life given by Jesus Christ our Lord.
- The God and child of God relationship i.e. my relationship with Jesus, is sought, achieved, and maintained on an individual, or 1:1 basis.
- Jesus is my only hope of salvation and the only way to God, the Father. “I am the way, the truth, and the life!” Jesus answered. “Without me, no one can go to the Father. If you had really known me, you would have known the Father. But from now on, you do know him, and you have seen him.” John 14:6-7 (CEV).
- God, the Father; Jesus Christ, the Son; and the Holy Spirit are one God playing different roles for the purpose of securing man’s redemption, salvation, justification and sanctification.
- God’s gifts are without repentance and HIS Word will not return to HIM void.
- As a sinner, (before salvation by HIS Grace), I can do nothing without Christ and my righteousness results from HIS Holiness.
- I must either agree with Jesus Christ to achieve HIS righteousness and always seek to obtain the sinless, abundant life that HE meant for all people to enjoy, or (if by fear or for any other reason, I chose to disagree with HIM and remain in my sinful state, instead of trusting Jesus for my salvation to the very end), I must suffer the sorrow of eternal separation from HIM.
- Jesus is the only Mediator between God and man. No one comes to the Father, except by HIM.
- “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow–not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below–indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Please see, Romans 8:39, NLT).